Regardless of how you answer that question, these are the facts. Shortly after my last blog post the parking meters on Oliver Avenue in front of Franktuary vanished. The stress level my business partner and I both experience when we have to park outside our store for a bit of time is noticeably diminished.

At least for now I don’t have to keep track of time in five minute increments, constantly wondering if I’ll need to interrupt the task at hand to round up a few more quarters to placate downtown’s insanely insatiable parking meters. Will those meters return? Probably. But perhaps the city will take advantage of the situation and install a credit card payment system on Oliver Avenue in the very near future instead. Such a system would make a street parking rate of $3 an hour far more palatable since the average driver would no longer have to make special arrangements to have a method of payment in hand.

Of course, as soon as credit cards are accepted the city will have a convenient excuse to further increase street parking rates so as to cover their newly incurred card processing fees. While there are certainly fees associated with accepting plastic, I have a hunch those fees won’t add up to anywhere near the price increase which we, the parkers, will be faced with when a new payment method is installed.

Anyway, I shouldn’t put the cart before the horse. Most of what I’ve written is pure speculation. It’s not beyond Pittsburgh officials to leave me pleasantly surprised. The point is that right now on Oliver Avenue between Wood and Smithfield Streets there are no parking meters and my life is just a little less complicated due to a respite from a system that entirely lacks common sense. Thank you, Magnus Rex!

Beleaguered car-laden visitors to Pittsburgh’s downtown district now have a reason to grin and bear the parking situation.

Last month, a blog post by Franktuary owner Tim Tobitsch about the sad state of parking meters outside his restaurant generated buzz across the Twitter-sphere.  Tobitsch was bemoaning the dozen quarters needed to plug a meter for 1 hour in the downtown area and the inability to pay with a credit card.

In response, the Franktuary team has thought up a positive attitude campaign to assist other parkers in their woes: Change You Can (Actually) Believe In.  The premise is blissfully simple: frazzled folks at the meters simply bring in their bills, and Franktuary staff give them quarters and a smile.  No purchase is necessary, however, the restaurant cannot guarantee that it will be able to accommodate the exchange of more than $200 worth of quarters in a day.

“We think this campaign just might change the entire attitude of parking everywhere,” posits Franktuary owner Megan Lindsey.  “All you ever see are hostile ‘No Change, No Bathrooms’ signs in restaurants, but we actually want people to come in and ask for quarters!  Heck, they can even use the loo.  They do have to wear shirts, however – that’s where we draw the line.”

The restaurant is quick to point out that its employees and owners have spent the last 7 years biking, walking, and riding the bus to work.  Much of the reason for that circumstance has to do with exorbitant parking fees downtown.  “We understand, though, that not everyone is able to get downtown without a car.  We have supplies to load regularly and have to drive at times.  On the days we do have a vehicle, more often than not, we find ourselves parking in another neighborhood and returning to our store on foot.  It really is a challenging situation for small business owners with downtown storefronts.”

To see the blog that inspired Franktuary’s Change campaign, please visit http://franktuary.com/blog/2011/07/parking-a-rant/

Hey guys, guess what?  We’ve partnered with Dave & Andy’s to make our own custom ice cream flavors available exclusively at Franktuary!

To be clear, when I say ice cream is available at Franktuary I am referring to the air-conditioned brick and mortar store as opposed to the roving food truck.  During the summer months our truck maintains a mean temperature of 103.2 degrees Fahrenheit, which leaves melted cream as the only realistic possibility.

Available at  325 Oliver Avenue RIGHT NOW: Maple Bacon and Vanilla Bean Basil.

Available at 325 Oliver Avenue LATER THIS SUMMER: Potato Chip (inspired by Jimmy Fallon) and possibly Ketchup and Mustard.

The bacon, I’ll have you know, is humanely raised.  For those of you who have been clamoring for bacon in our store, well, you got your wish.  Just what you envisioned, right?

The basil, I’ll have you know, is also humanely raised.  It is not holy, however, though that would be apropos.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: “Keep your friends close, and your ice cream in Franktuary’s freezer.”

Have an innovative ice cream idea of your own?  emailus@franktuary.com

You know how much it costs to park in front of my store? 25 cents for every 5 minutes of time spent at a meter! So, can you use a credit card to pay for parking as if it were, say, the year 2011? Of course not!  Furthermore, I’m hearing rumors of plans to increase parking rates such that a quarter will only buy you two minutes of time in the near future.

This is quite a hefty hidden tax if you’re someone who chooses to support retail downtown. And God forbid your meter run out because you didn’t have a fistful of change handy. Then you’ll really be paying through the nose with a ticket that will cost at least $30. It’s as if this city wants people to steer clear of its center.

Seriously, sometimes Pittsburgh’s administrative stupidity is nothing short of breathtaking. I understand that there are expenses to cover, but if you’re going to charge $3 an hour for on street parking you should have the decency to provide your citizens with a way to pay that doesn’t involve carrying around a tube sock full of quarters. If you max out your meter at two hours, you’ve fed it two dozen coins! Who the heck carries two dozen quarters with them on a regular basis? Also, once I put my money into a parking meter I have no idea where it goes. There’s a paper trail I’d love to see!

On top of this issue, all parking meters in downtown, Oakland, and the South Side are now enforced until 10 pm, instead of 6 pm. I’m not a fan of that, but if it’s necessary, I’ll deal. Somehow, though, I suspect that whatever the city is paying to keep its meter maids on patrol late into the night is coming directly out of new tickets written between 6 pm and 10 pm.  No offense to these late-night maids, but I’d like it very much if they’d find other, more productive work.

You know how much it costs to park in Oakland? No more than two-thirds of what it does in downtown Pittsburgh. Yet you can pay for street parking with a credit card there… if you’re lucky enough to score a spot around Schenley Plaza. I have recently parked in several other major cities and nowhere else have I seen the crippling one-two punch of such a high parking rate coupled with an expectation that this fee be paid only through the outdated medium of spare change. It’s ridiculous.

I hope this situation isn’t indicative of what public employees in this city think of the rest of us. The people making Pittsburgh parking enforcement decisions are essentially the people who stole other kids’ lunch money in elementary school, all grown up. They’re bullying others because they can. While they may talk a good game when they’re being watched and they may feel that what they’re doing is necessary, they clearly have no respect for the people over whom they wield power through force.

Pittsburgh: “Behind the times, with the parking rates of tomorrow!” Is that really the perception we want to create? Thanks for helping with that, public sector! Most livable city, my foot.

Before Franktuary opened, I was a lad with a lot of time on his hands. Now that I’m 30 I’ve been looking back on those days a little more fondly. One of the things I did with my time was to write goofy letters, which I never sent to their proposed recipients. Recently I rediscovered these letters. For some summer Franktuary “fun” I’ve decide to release a few of these letters to the general public in this right here space.

The first of these letters documents a pitch I developed for merging the cities of New York and Chicago –arguably the two most influential cities in the world when it comes to frankfurter history.  More than likely, I’ll release an additional letter sometime in July, another one in August, and a final one in September.  Hope you enjoy, and don’t forget to visit the store and our truck early and often during the warmest months of the year.  July IS National Hot Dog Month, you know.  And, if I may be so bold, every month should be National Grass-Fed Beef Month.

September, 2003

Dear Honorable Mayors Michael R. Bloomberg and Richard M. Daley,

People ALWAYS argue about your cities! Wrigley Field or Yankee Stadium? Vienna Beef or Nathan’s Famous? The Great Lawn in Central Park or the Great Lake Michigan? The Wyndham or the Plaza? The Sears Tower or the Empire State Building? Buckingham Memorial Fountain or Rockefeller Center? The El Train or the Subway? Al Capone or Donald Trump? South Street Seaport or Navy Pier? The Times or The Tribune? Deep dish or thin crust? Grant Park or Grant’s Tomb? Wacker Drive or Wooster Street? The Windy City or the BIG APPLE? If trends continue, things WILL get UGLY! To ensure the future peace of our nation, there is only one solution. A merger of Gotham City and the Second City is essential.

Do not take this concept lightly, Mr. Bloomberg and Mr. Daley. You have a RESPONSIBILITY to act in the best interest of your respective cities and how you HANDLE this CRUCIAL matter may very well Determine YOUR “Political Legacy.” Fortunately, as a CONSCIENTOUS citizen, I’ve developed a plan for you to implement.

We will call OUR new city Chewy Gork (the candy bar (CHICA-CHICA new Chewy Gork!) will be a “big seller”), and rest assured Mr. Mayors, each of you will remain in POWER. There will be identical 2.2 mile-high skyscrapers built in the respective China Town of each current city. A road ramp will spiral around each building, the top seventy stories of each edifice will be used for parking, and a bridge will connect the two structures. A “shinkasen,” or high-speed bullet train, will transport people across town via the bridge. We will use the entire state of Ohio as a space to erect a support structure that will make this plan architecturally feasible. Because it is Ohio, NO ONE will mind.

Time is of the essence, sirs; DO NOT underestimate the urgency of this situation. It is easy to miss the mood of a city while working in an office all day. I KNOW the climate on the street. Trust me, my plan NEEDS to happen. The very fate of our nation hangs tenuously in the balance.

Concerned in the City,
Toby Timitsch

Let’s put two and two together here, people. President Obama was in Pittsburgh this past Friday to give a speech. How do I know this? His motorcade proved to be a near impenetrable barrier between my business partner’s home and our food truck. I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether this very real obstacle the President created for my small business is of any deeper symbolic significance.

You know who else is in Pittsburgh this weekend? All of the Furries, with their annual convention. Is this a coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that when you put on a full furry suit you become totally anonymous. And surely one of the most famous men in the world pines for anonymity every once in a while. Just saying…

In other news, yours truly had what’s known as a “moment” with Emma Watson on the Perks of Being a Wallflower set earlier in the week. We conversed. We discovered a shared enthusiasm for local grass-fed beef. She ate her food. Then she walked out of my life, perhaps forever.

Here are some guidelines about events for which you can request the truck:

1. Pre-paid Catering: Just like ordering a sandwich ring from your
favorite sub shop, except it’s hot dogs and it drives straight onto
your property! We customize the menu for your preferences and head
count. If your event location has electricity, specifically 2 outdoor
outlets, we will not have to run our noisy generator.

Great for: movie sets, company picnics, private parties (especially if
you have a POOL we can use afterward!), weddings, employee
incentives/gifts

2. Vending Lunch Visit: So you don’t want to pre-pay but you think you
can bring a crowd? We’ll try just about anywhere at least once.
Within the city, we need $250 in sales in the first hour to consider
making a return visit. If you will hang up posters announcing our
arrival, have access to inter-office email lists, or are just plain
really popular, we’ll take your word for it! Currently available
Mondays, Wednesdays, and some Fridays.

Great for: isolated business parks, warehouse complexes, company
parking lots, neighborhood events

3. Community Event: Know about a cool event or fundraiser we should
attend? Send the details our way. Some events have regulations or
contracts with other food vendors, but if we can make it we’ll be
there!

Examples: Gallery Crawl, Penn Ave’s First Fridays, JLP’s Touch A
Truck, Animal Friends’ Bark In The Park

General Information:

- Truck Dimensions: 16′ long, 12′ high, fits into a regular parking
spot with a bit of overhang
- Electricity: 2 80′ extension cords running to your 2 power outlets
OR gasoline generator (noisy!)
- Menu: general menu on our blog or we’ll work with you
- Contact: emailus@franktuary.com, Twitter: @franktuary

Dear Customers,

Here at Franktuary, we’ve spent the last several months trying out new hot dog buns, after our original supplier relationship did not work out. You would not think that a hot dog bun is a very complicated product, but as we switched suppliers, shapes, sizes, and styles we found that buns run the gamut from overly squishy to severely hard. It has been an epic struggle: we’ve had soggy buns, smooshed buns, 50 packages of buns delivered at 5:30am to an address that isn’t Franktuary, buns that split apart when you stuff them, buns that are too white, buns that are too baked, a week’s worth of buns that weren’t delivered at all, and more.

Based on feedback we have received, we’re returning to the basic all-American hot dog bun. It’s soft, its hinge stays intact, and the frank sits lower inside allowing for copious condiments. It’s not the shining super-star of bread products – still white flour based – but it doesn’t distract from your hot dog tasting experience. Tim and I believe that the average bun is just an edible hot dog holder anyway. “What’s inside is what counts,” just like your mother taught you during your brooding adolescent years. We still dream of an organic, locally baked, unbleached, unbromated, lightly whole grained bun with the perfect depth of slice down the middle. Hopefully we’ll get there some day, but for now we are happy to offer customers what they prefer.

Thank you for being patient with us, and we apologize for any bad bun experience recently. In fact, if you’ve been “bunderwhelmed” by your Franktuary experience, come back in and tell our cashier. He’ll give you 10% off your entire order to say thanks for your business.

Frankfully yours,
Megan L.
Founder, CEO, and Chief Trouble-Shooter

The Franktuary truck is now operating from the parking lot of Hot Metal Bridge Faith Community, 27th and Jane Street, on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11:30 am to 2:00 pm! The truck can also be booked for a trip to your property. To book the truck for your event, read our guidelines and emailus@franktuary.com.

Keep up with the truck’s selling location by following @Franktuary on Twitter and check out the new 2011 menu here!

Standard All-Beef Frank – $3.00
Veggie Frank – $3.50
Local Grass-fed Beef Frank – $4.00
Veggie Carrot Frank – $3.00 (when available)
Local Grass-fed Burger – $4.00 (when available)

The Oahu (Pineapple, Green Onions, Bacon, and Teriyaki Sauce) – add $2.00 to any of the above options

The Brasil (Mashed Potatoes, Corn Salsa, Crumbled Potato Chips, and Bacon) – add $2.00 to any of the above options

Poutine (French Fries, Housemade Vegan Gravy, and Arsenal Cheese Cannonball Curds) – $6.00

French Fries – $4.00

Beverages (Snapple, Bottled Water, San Pellegrino Aranciata and Limonata) – $2.00

Franktuary is celebrating the resurrection of its food truck! The 1988 Chevy P-30 made its Pittsburgh debut last summer, briefly appearing on the mobile food scene before several dramatic setbacks including decapitation by overpass, complete engine failure, and propane-malfunction fireballs. Repaired, restored, and completely safe, the vehicle now vends from Hot Metal Bridge Faith Community’s Southside parking lot at 2700 Jane Street. Two percent of all profits generated on Hot Metal property are shared with the church, which runs a variety of neighborhood ministries throughout the week.

Effective May 5, 2011 the truck will operate from the Hot Metal lot every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday from 11 am to 3 pm unless otherwise noted on the restaurant’s Twitter feed.

Unique menu items that differ from the downtown storefront are offered from the truck. Continuing the store’s international topping trend, a Boar’s Head all-beef or locally farmed grass-fed beef frankfurter can be topped as the Brasil – mashed potatoes, tomato corn relish, crumbled bacon, potato sticks and mayo – or the Oahu – bacon, pineapple, green onions, and teriyaki sauce. Rounding out the menu are vegetarian franks made from whole grilled carrots, grass-fed burgers, and Franktuary’s take on poutine, Canada’s national dish: french fries covered in house-made vegetarian brown gravy and local Cannonball Curds from Arsenal Cheese (www.arsenalcheese.com).

Franktuary’s truck is completely mobile and is actively booking private events. Organizations that have already benefited from the truck’s adaptable nature include movie production crews, wedding parties and the 300 children at Frick Environmental Charter School, where Franktuary provides healthy grass-fed beef and vegetarian meals, saving students from typical school lunch options. To charter the truck for your event, write to emailus@franktuary.com.