Yesterday I had the privilege of bringing the Franktuary truck to Oakland and serving to a crowd of people celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Pittsburgh Pirates 1960 World Series triumph.  That would be the World Series where the Yankees outscored the Pirates by an aggregate total of 55 to 27, yet the Buccos won the title after Bill Mazeroski hit a go-ahead home run in the ninth inning of game 7.

I may have been born in 1981, but I know the storyline of the 1960 World Series well.  You see, I have a father who was born in the Bronx and I’ve counted the Yankees as my favorite team since the early years of Don Mattingly.  In fact, my earliest baseball memories consist of traveling to Yankee Stadium to watch the faltering Bronx Bomber teams of the late 1980s and early 1990s.  I also recall visiting Shea Stadium with a Mets-fan-friend and watching a dominant Pirates club pummel the home team.  Clearly, I grew up in a strange era, where baseball history, 1960 not withstanding, was turned on its head.

Anyway, on many occasions I’ve heard my dad recount how he rushed home from school to watch that fateful final frame 50 Octobers ago, only to be crushed as he watched victory, with a single Mazeroski swing, land on the wrong side of the fence.  But, things have a way of working out for fans of the Pinstripes.  After 1960, the Yankees regrouped and went on to win the World Series in 1961, 1962, and seven more times after that, bringing their Major League Baseball leading total to 27.  And my father, who had his adolescent heart broken so long ago, now finds satisfaction in the fact that 50 years after a painful Pirates pilfering his son’s business directly benefits as a result.

That’s all fine and good, but what of all those long-suffering Pirates fans?  After all, 1960 is so celebrated because winning baseball in Pittsburgh has become unimaginable.  Will baseball excitement ever arrive at PNC Park, freeing Pirates fans from the need to regenerate fleeting moments of greatness at the former site of Forbes Field??  Let’s hope the answer is a resounding yes and that the Pirates lose to the Yankees in many World Series to come!

This weekend Franktuary visits Connecticut.  Well, a representative of Franktuary is in Connecticut to attend a wedding.  And he has to say, three cheers for the groom.  Why?  For one, he’s getting married.  But if your deductive reasoning is up to snuff you already know that.  And let’s face it, there’s nothing special about a groom getting married on his wedding day.  Happens all the time.

Here’s what’s really special.  All the groomsmen received local, grass-fed beef as a wedding favor.  Franktuary is very proud.

Relive the Summit with Franktuary’s G20 Plummet Scavenger Hunt!

How do I play this game, eh?

1. Find clues each day via twitter.com/franktuary or the right sidebar of franktuary.com. Search the interwebs for answers, which means you can play this game from your office chair and it will look like you are “working”.

2. Keep track of your answers. Friday we’ll furnish you with an algorithm to unlock the secret G20 words you will then use to compose a haiku.

3. Top three scorers earn the prizes below, and best haikus will be posted to franktuary.com and in our store. Points will be assigned based on completion, creativity, and correctness.

What do I get??

Third Prize: the official G20 Plummet t-shirt and frankfurter (a $20.09 value!)
Second Prize: the official G20 Plummet t-shirt, frankfurter, and $10 gift certificate (a $30.09 value!)
First Prize: ZIP TIE ESCAPE and a round-trip MegaBus ticket to a location of our choosing (an inestimable value!)

I want some rules!

We’re not very good a “rules” here at Franktuary – here are some guidelines for your scavenging success.

1. Have fun and be creative.
2. You may work with teammates, but you will have to split the prize.
3. Your end-of-hunt Haiku must follow traditional Haiku form though you may use the English language.

Happy Hunting!

NEWS FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Pittsburgh, PA (15 September 2010) – Exactly one year ago, Pittsburgh’s downtown business district was making preparations to host the G-20 Summit.  An excited community anticipated a week of record-setting sales and attention in the global spotlight, and Franktuary was no exception.  The Obamas were formally invited for lunch, extra staff was scheduled, and regular hours were extended.  “We envisioned serving our menu items to heads of state and foreign dignitaries,” recalls Franktuary owner Tim Tobitsch.  “While we knew that might not occur, we fully expected a memorable and busy week.”

And memorable it was, but in all the wrong ways.  Sales were nonexistent as downtown Pittsburgh became virtually impenetrable to its own citizens.  Battalions of mounted riot police patrolled the street outside Franktuary, but none came in to dine.  World leaders kept out of sight, showing little interest in supporting the residents of the host city they had so brazenly invaded.

In honor of this debacle, Franktuary has created the G-20 Plummet.  During the Plummet the restaurant will offer its Pittsburgh frank, buried under 20 additional condiments.  Franktuary publicist Frida Marquetza states, “The extra condiments represent the insensitive visitors who disrupted Pittsburgh’s tranquil and prosperous everyday life.  The suffocated pierogie symbolizes our city’s immobilized economy.”

The special menu item will be sold for $20.09 and comes with a unique commemorative t-shirt, designed by local printshop Commonwealth Press, as a keepsake of this historic – and histrionic – event.  Franktuary’s owners hope the promotion will reclaim sales lost during the Summit, estimated to be more than $1,500.

“This Plummet will be held on the one-year anniversary of Pittsburgh’s G-20 Summit, the week of September 20, 2010,” notes Marquetza.  “We intend to hold future Plummets whenever a Summit needlessly interrupts the lives of peaceful urban dwellers somewhere in the world.  Like-minded small businesses in Pittsburgh and elsewhere are invited to join the movement.”

A quick survey of Pittsburgh’s downtown pedestrians yielded mixed opinions about the Plummet.  “Sounds dumb to me.  If the Obama family won’t eat at Franktuary, I don’t see why I should,” said lawyer Don Key.  On the other hand, vacationing family Libby, Terry and Ian Nomor of Texas, were more positive.  “We love the idea.  Small businesses are the backbone of our country.  We’re coming back to Pittsburgh this September so we can get a t-shirt.”

###

Franktuary is located at 325 Oliver Avenue, in Pittsburgh, PA and is open Monday through Friday, 10:00 am – 3:00 pm.  To learn more, visit www.franktuary.com.

A) In this life we can’t all own hot dog shoppes, because if we did each of us would be our only customer.

B) Prison inmates should have to grow their own food.  Theoretically, they could do this without leaving their detention facility, following the urban model Will Allen has established with Growing Power in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  Furthermore, they should be allowed to keep only a percentage of what they grow.  The rest should be sold at a competitive market rate to offset per capita prisoner expenses currently paid for with public money.  Any unsold food or profits beyond inmate housing costs should be donated to food banks.

C) Perhaps we did not evolve from monkeys, but monkeys evolved from us.  After all, there was a time when we assumed the sun revolved around planet Earth.  Revolve and evolve are practically the same word, you know.  Not to mention this wouldn’t be the first time we presumptively placed ourselves in the center of a story when we had no business being there.  In addition, I’m guessing monkeys pollute less than people and, in general, are less destructive to their own habitat.  Some would argue this makes the monkey the more advanced species.

D) The cheesesteak is the most significant contribution the city of Philadelphia has made to American society.  Ben Franklin had a good run, but let’s face it, he died a long time ago.  The Liberty Bell?  It broke!  The cheesesteak, though, it’s still going strong.  People all over the United States of America associate the cheesesteak with Philadelphia and –here’s the kicker– think highly of it.  Most other things Americans connect with Philadelphia, like the Flyers, Extreme Championship Wrestling, or The Bloodhound Gang, aren’t held in high regard.  Bill Cosby, of course, is a notable exception to the rule.

E) All of the above.

Remember: If you can eliminate one choice you should guess, because my blog is scored just like the SAT.

Demolition is happening across the street and you can now see the Warner Center marquee on Fifth Avenue from the windows of Franktuary!  Let’s hope it stays that way.  We’re hearing rumors about a park, but we’re also hearing rumors about new construction.  After six years of sharing a block with an abandoned, decaying structure nothing seems more pleasant than a green space across the street.

Anyone out there have a say in the matter?  If so, help us to see that park become a reality!

Last night I watched the film West Side Story.  Hadn’t seen it in quite sometime.  It left me with two thoughts:

1) Anyone arrested for a gang related incident should be required to watch West Side Story once a week for the duration of his prison sentence.  This practice would either cause prison to be a less pleasant experience for a criminal or cause a prisoner to be more likely to walk away from his incarceration as a dancing, singing, rehabilitated hooligan.  Neither of these alternatives is a bad thing.

2) Someone should have put together a production of West Side Story starring Michael Jackson in his prime.  Undoubtedly, the end result would have been the most spectacular choreography ever recorded on film.  If I were about two decades older, perhaps I would have had this idea at a more opportune time.

Lately we’ve not been in touch much in this blog space.  I’d like to tell you it’s because we’ve been rubbing elbows with celebrities.  Although Katherine Heigl did recently try one of our organic grass-fed franks, that’s not why we’ve been absentee bloggers.

The real reason is that this blogger can’t remember the new password to access the inner-workings of the Franktuary website.  These days you can’t be too secure.  Unless, of course, you’re so secure you can’t remember your own passwords.

What a month, folks.  Since late July our truck has had to have reconstructive surgery, a large refrigerator in the store has gone down, the IRS has mistakenly fined us over $700, several minor things have broken, and our website has been compromised.  When it rains, it pours, yes?

But things could be worse.  We’ve also experienced several weeks of record setting sales, had a parade of old friends and far-away supporters visit Pittsburgh, and brought our revamped truck to the sets of two major film productions.  In fact, Katherine Heigl is now counted among the people who have tried Franktuary and enjoyed the experience!

Mr. Toad’s got nothing on Franktuary’s wild ride.

Alice Waters advocates grass-fed franks!