Well, it’s good to be whole again here at Franktuary. Of course, it’s snowing so things haven’t been nearly as busy as earlier in the week when we were halved.

Anyway, a woman just walked by my store, indoors, with a large shopping cart. How disjointed. That’s neither here nor there, but I kid you not.

So how ’bout those Penguins, staying in Pittsburgh. Woohoo!

And finally, you should know that my “rotten apple” is back in the shop. Updates to this blog may be sporadic over the next few days. Kidding aside, the guy at the Apple Store was great last night. I’m getting a new CD drive with 10 days to spare on my warranty. I’m pretty excited about that. In the world of customer service it’s the individual you deal with directly that makes more of a difference than the actual company he works for.

And my fancy Apple computer has yet another problem at a crucial moment. I’m beginning to think that buying an Apple has been one of the dumbest purchasing decisions I’ve ever made. Except, literally, everyone else I know who owns an Apple loves their machine. It must be me, right? I guess I just got a lemon. Maybe I’ll give Apple another chance, but my experience so far is akin to being the coach of an incredible athlete who constantly sits on the disabled list and never actually plays in important games.

All I know for sure is that I appreciate technology a lot less today than I did three years ago and five needed repairs later. It’s a good thing I bought that warranty, and a better thing that it lasts for three more weeks.

Well, what can you do? Hopefully this problem (yet again the CD/DVD drive isn’t reading properly) will be the last and I won’t have to think about having to buy a new computer any time soon.

In case you haven’t heard Franktuary is one of five finalists contending for the title of “Pittsburgh’s Favorite Frank.” Visit http://cityguide.aol.com/pittsburgh/besthotdogs and vote (for us)!

In other news, my computer is back and I’m feeling a bit better about Apple. That’s mainly because the person who called reached me at the exact moment I was leaving my apartment and if he had been any later with his call I wouldn’t have been able to pick my laptop up until this weekend. Timing is everything. Now I can balance a bank statement as early as tomorrow. Three cheers for accounting!

My Apple laptop, we’ll call it “ol’ reliable,” is back in the shop. This time the CD-drive is out of commission. Without a doubt, my Apple is one of the more overrated products I’ve ever purchased. Not terrible, because when things work correctly it’s a computer I enjoy using more than any other I’ve ever owned. Just highly, highly, overrated because too often it doesn’t work like it should.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure there’s a better alternative out there. There are certainly less expensive options, though.

Why pay a premium price when you can purchase the likelihood of multiple hardware failures and frustrating customer service for approximately half the cost? Heck, those other companies will even throw in high susceptibility to viruses at no additional cost. Fortunately, my warranty extends a few more months. That said, Apple is giving me plenty to think about for when it comes time to buy a new machine…

So, all that is to say a special thanks is in order to my business partner for updating this blog yesterday and leaving me her computer this afternoon so I’m able to do so today.

Hopefully, I’ll be typing from my own computer again soon. Meanwhile, swing by this web page and cast a vote for Franktuary as having Pittsburgh’s best hot dogs if you haven’t already!

Well, here we are at our new home on the web. I hope you like it. Look for our furniture to change over the next few months. Here’s hoping we’ll find the neighborhood to be quite nice!

As I’m sure many of you know, moving can be a big pain. Nonetheless, sometimes it’s best to change addresses despite the fact that you really enjoy your current place. Like, for example, when your neighbors happen to be extremely unpleasant or unreasonable people. Or when the heat in your rental stops working. Both of these are good reasons to move.

Fortunately, our physical home remains unchanged:
325 Oliver Avenue, Downtown Pittsburgh.

Come visit us Wednesday when we turn two years old!

It’s official guys. Due to an ongoing legal dispute with a restaurant in Miami, FL, Hot D***a is changing its name to Franktuary. The change will be completed over the next few months. Once this entire ordeal is behind us, I hope to make regular updates to this blog once again. In the immediate future, please be advised that our website will be changing addresses to franktuary.com. When you visit this domain address you will be redirected there. Thanks for sticking with us!

Now for something truly interesting.

A customer of ours who has been homeless for over 25 years has just moved into his own place! He has nor has ever had any sort of substance abuse problem and is thrilled to be off the streets. The social worker who has been helping him credits his time spent in our store with being a key piece to his successful socialization. It’s just a really cool story. So, if you visit Hot D***a and wonder where the guy with the white beard who always used to sit in the corner is, know that he’s doing very well. In fact, I paid him a visit last night.

Just in case you’re wondering, Hot D***a is still without a functional soda fountain, and I still haven’t figured out how to be able to send outgoing messages on my computer like I could in the good old days. A number of other things are keeping me pretty darn busy as well Someday…

So, I apologize for the erratic upkeep of this blog and thank you for continuing to be a Hot D***a customer.

In the mean time I ask you to ponder why it is people get so excited about tomorrow’s newspaper today. It’s not as if the contents in the paper changes with a different label. But, boy, when I hand out papers for the Trib a lot of folks ask me if I’ve got “tomorrow’s paper” today. They’re disappointed when I don’t. I suppose it could be because they’ve already read today’s paper. I think it’s because they want to know the future.

Well, my goodness. Last night Hot D***a had a song dedicated to itself at Club Cafe. If that’s not reaching new heights I don’t know what is!

There is a brand new hard drive inside of my computer and it’s about time the previously mentioned sobriety check point incident is fully explained.

Last Friday I was driving home around midnight, without a trace of alcohol in my system. I decided to head out of the Southside via the Birmingham Bridge and cut through the Hill District because it would be “faster.” As soon as I turned onto the bridge I knew I had made a gross error.

The wide multi-lane passageway that normally constitutes the Birmingham had been intentionally crippled to one lane. Traffic was at a stand still. I had seen this before, but I had never been stuck in it. Like a helpless ladybug caught in a venomous spider’s web I had turned into a sobriety check point.

After waiting nearly an hour for my close-up with one of Pittsburgh’s finest it progressed as follows:

“Good evening sir, I’m Officer _______ of the Pittsburgh Police Department. Where are you headed?” said the officer whose name I do not recall as he got extremely close to my face.”
“My home on Penn Avenue,” I replied.
“Where are you coming from?” retorted the officer.
“The Waterfront — Snakes on a Plane,” said I.
“What’s that?” remarked the officer.
“You know, the movie, Snakes on a Plane. Samuel L. Jackson…”
“No I haven’t heard of that one. Was it good?”
“Well, you know, snakes on an airplane, what can you expect?”
“Oh, I thought you meant snakes on a plain, like snakes on the savannah….”
“Nope, snakes on an airplane. It’s pretty funny.”
“An action movie is funny?”
“It’s sort of a spoof…”
“Alright sir, have a good night.”

After that conversation I thought that I’d be pulled over, drunk or not, for sure! And all the while I had a huge chocolate stain on my shirt and pants. That’s because the man sitting next to me in the theater, who I’d never met before, had a huge brownie. The first thing he did as he settled in for the film was hand me a plastic spoon and remark, “I’m not going to eat this whole thing myself.” Fortunately the stains vanished completely thanks to a product called “Shout.”

Anyway, it seems a little unfair to me to stop drivers, and potentially confiscate their vehicles, despite the fact that said drivers have demonstrated absolutely no erratic driving tendencies. Then again, I can see why it’s done. Regardless, it’s not very considerate of the average sober person’s time.

So, friends, what lessons have we learned from this saga?

1) Brownies with chocolate sauce eaten in the dark with only a plastic spoon are delicious but dangerous. Not unlike the tantalizing juxtaposition that is snakes on a plane.
2) On a weekend night in Pittsburgh, always steer clear of the Birmingham Bridge. And when you talk to cops keep it simple. It’s safer that way.

Hello out there. And how are we today?

Add to the list of broken things in and around Hot D***a, Tim’s personal computer!

The hard drive doesn’t work anymore! It’s in good company with our now broken and obsolete fountain drink machine, and our corrupted mailing list that currently doesn’t allow us to send anything. Fortunately, the computer is under warranty and most of the files were backed up.

Well, when I have the chance to sit down at a computer for more than a couple of seconds, I must tell you about my experience at a sobriety checkpoint after viewing the movie “Snakes on a Plane.”

So, I was in Canada this past weekend. When you get down to it, I think we’re really fortunate to have the nicest neighbors in the world.

What am I basing that declaration on?

A) When entering Canada, telling the border patrol man that I’m simply going to a baseball game works for him. Whereas when returning to my own country no explanation of why I want to get into the states is immune from scrutiny.
B) Canadians are unbelievably friendly and incredibly excited about the upcoming movie “Snakes on A Plane.”
C) Hot D***a has won a “Canadian Web Award.”
D) During the seventh inning stretch, professional stretchers actually lead you in a stretching routine.
E) I have no way to prove this but when you order a 20 ounce draught at the rotisserie chicken restaurant “Suisse Chalet,” I’m almost certain you get 24 ounces. That’s right, I have reason to believe 20 ounces Canadian is equal to 24 ounces American. I’m around cups all day, people. I know what I’m talking about.

In other news, our soda fountain produced smoke and fire yesterday and now it doesn’t produce anything at all. When Coca-Cola will come to fix it, nobody knows. Finally, I won’t be here next week. So, if you consider yourself my enemy, next week is a great time to come down and see what Hot D***a is all about.