Last night I was getting ready to play a hockey game, when a customer of mine walked into my locker room. It was pretty strange. Turns out he’s in the same league as me. Before I knew him only as “two veggie dogs with cheese, Dr. Pepper- no ice.” Now I know him as my opponent. He’s a nice guy. Since I’m a goalie maybe I should tell him that if he scores a hat trick against me he can have free veggie dogs for a week!
I just got a side job handing out free newspapers before Pirates game. It sort of found me. I start tonight. Hopefully it goes well!
This morning, at 1:02 and three seconds, the official time and date was 01:02:03-04/05/06. Last night the New York Rangers clinched a playoff spot for the first time since 1997:).
Here’s part 7 of 11.
Last night I was at a hockey game- quite possibly the last one I’ll attend in Pittsburgh this year. In light of that, I’d like to take this opportunity to plug Pittsburgh First, the organization behind the plan that proposes a new privately financed arena in the same neighborhood that Mellon Arena is currently located. Check out their website. Consider signing the petition.
The way I see it is this. If slots are coming, here’s to having something much more useful bestowed upon the public in conjunction and for free. Like a state-of-the-art multipurpose arena!
Perhaps I’ll have the chance to attend hockey games in Pittsburgh for years to come.
Perhaps you’ll have the chance to see that band that never comes here because there’s no suitable venue.
Perhaps that person to your right will have the chance to see whatever it is that floats her boat. Like the Professional Bull Riders Rocky Boots Invitational.
Perhaps we’ll all have the opportunity to see these things in an ambience that doesn’t connote crumbling concrete and something like a 30% chance of power failure. I hope so, even if I am a Rangers fan.
This morning I was in a public restroom- quite possibly not the last time I’ll visit one in Pittsburgh this year. There was a man in one of the stalls. He had a large box labeled “frozen beef patties.” That’s really all I could see since the stall door was closed. It looked like perhaps there were lots of aerosol cans in the beef patties box.
As I was washing my hands, the man in the stall started making friendly conversation. That’s a little odd, but you know, I told him I was fine. Then, as I was leaving the commode area, he started yelling for me to come back. “Hey!” he remarked.
I thought to myself, it’s 7:45 in the morning and you’ve closed yourself in a bathroom stall with a frozen beef patties box full of unidentified objects. I don’t think I really want to do you a favor given the circumstances. I vacated the premises.
As promised, another section of the Senile Journey has been posted!
Click to hear Chapter 3!
I think the Penguins should find a way to privately finance a new arena that literally floats in the river. It should sit on a giant man-made ice berg and be dubbed the “new igloo.” There should be a glass bottom floor in the promenade. Prior to an event one would enter the arena from a docking point in Point State Park. During an event the arena would dreamily drift in the general vicinity of Point State Park. Then, even when the Pens are as bad as they currently are, it would be tough to say your ticket wasn’t worth the price of admission. Move over Just Ducky Tours! 85.
Sweden will be playing for an Olympic gold medal in men’s ice hockey on Sunday. I’m excited about that. I predicted they would make it to this game before the tournament began.
I really should develop some more useful skills. Anyway, let’s all remember to eat Swedish pancakes on Sunday (and frankfurters Monday through Friday, between 8:30 am and 5:00 pm)!
Have I ever told you I’m a lefty? I have three roommates, and it turns out they’re all lefty too. That’s definitely not normal, which is completely normal for me.
Well, I’ve bit the bullet, friends. I’ve started my own “MySpace” page. Megan, my business partner, has had one representing Hot D***a for a long time. I’ve never had much interest in it. But, that’s changed. In the past month so many people I know have been talking about “MySpace.” I’m on the bandwagon now.
The most exciting thing is that I’ve found Jed Ortmeyer, fourth line winger for the New York Rangers, on MySpace. I’m still waiting to hear if he’ll be my friend. No offense to Jed, but in my mind he’s much more famous than he is in reality. Because of that I like my chances!
You can be my friend (officially) by creating your own profile and visiting, www.myspace.com/timisnotjoking. If you don’t want to do that, well, we can still be friends. We’ll keep it on the down-low. You’ll be in good company, too, because Hot D***a has yet to approve me as its/her friend (officially)!
It’s official, the Pittsburgh Steelers are my third favorite team in professional sports. They were fun to root for before because I’ve lived in the heart of Steelers’ country for the past three years, but now they’ve purchased my affection. Thanks to the Steelers and PNC Bank, Hot D***a has had its best day on record.
Only the New York Rangers and New York Yankees rank ahead of the Steelers now, because, hey, no amount of money can ever replace childhood memories. That said, I will root for the Steelers above all other football teams for the rest of my life and I will make an effort to keep up with them no matter where I find myself in the future.
NBA teams take note, a “favorite” slot is still available to you. Bidding starts at $500. Inquire within! 31.
Those Stillers are looking pretty good these days, eh? Clearly, they’re receiving enough attention, so I’m going to write about something else today. Not that I think they should be ignored.
In keeping with the sports theme, I’ll talk about the Penguins.
I propose that Fox Sports Pittsburgh turn them into a reality TV show. Fire all the front office and coaching staff and put authentic yinzers in their place. Watch the sparks fly. Things really can’t get worse for the Pens, and with my plan, ratings would go up even if things did get worse. It would be entertaining television, for sure. ESPN might pick it up. Hot D***a would sponsor it, if we could afford to sponsor something like that. 20.
Porcupines can shoot their quills. Until someone can prove to me otherwise, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Tonight Mark Messier will have his number retired by the New York Rangers, and it just so happens that this week Comcast cable subscribers have a free preview of “NHL Center Ice.” Until I learned this two days ago, I was seriously pondering driving to Canada immediately after work today. The game doesn’t seem to be listed as televised there, but it has to be, right? I mean it is the true north strong and free. After all, they know what they’re doing up there when it comes to ice.
I’ll bet you didn’t know that this website is the recipient of a Canadian Web Award. That’s because it’s “Canadian friendly, unique, informative, and the Canadian consumer benefits from visiting it.” No joke. I once had a pair of customers from Nova Scotia. Me and the Canadians, we’ve got rapport.
Lately I’ve had an itch to travel somewhere. There are several cities I’d like to visit in the near future for very specific reasons, but I suppose I won’t be able to go to all of them. Here’s your chance to vote where I go!
A) Toronto – to see Body Worlds 2 and watch the Olympic men’s ice hockey gold medal game in a Canadian sports bar
B) Chicago – to eat Persian food with my long-time friend Bita Yektashenas
C) Cape Cod/Boston – to see my old viola teacher who now owns a Bed and Breakfast in Cape Cod as well as to visit my business partner Matt, who will be moving to Boston at the end of this month
D) The exotic international locale of your choice if you find someone suitable to cover for me here at Hot D***a while I’m gone.
E) New York – to see “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” starring the inimitable Norbert Leo Butz.
If you’ve chosen option D I’m very excited and WE need to talk. I’m pretty sure option E will happen regardless of where else I go.
All this talk of travel reminds me of the time I was in Lake Tahoe, at an Embassy Suites, with some high school friends. We played a game of Uno that just wouldn’t die. My friend Jamie forgot to say “uno” five minutes into the game when he only had one card remaining in his hand. Deciding to be a rule stickler, I made him take an extra card. Nobody else came close to winning for a VERY long time.
I know this to be the case because Embassy Suites happens to offer a very exciting complimentary happy hour to all of its guests every evening. It was during such a happy hour that our Uno game took place.
I believe that during the game I had five rum and cokes and two margaritas as happy hour came and almost went. When it finally ended (the game of Uno that is) I announced to everyone that I needed to sit down. Then I realized that I already was sitting down. Huh. What do you do about that? I haven’t played Uno in two years.
