If you haven’t visited Hot Franktuary recently you may not realize that we offer big cookies and even bigger brownies. Come on in and satisfy that sweet tooth! You’ll thank yourself later.

Speaking of menu additions, an informed source (me) as told me that it’s likely soft pretzels and/or pierogies will soon be available at 325 Oliver Avenue.

Did you know that Hot D***a serves soup?

Now you do.

Speaking of soup, today I had a customer inquire “What’s in your cream of broccoli soup?”

Guess what I told him.

It’s been a slow one today and that has afforded me with time to look at a crossword puzzle. It took me a while to figure out the answer to the clue “bath spots,” which turned out to be “tub.” All I could think about was how there’s not much point in taking a bath if one comes out of it with spots.

As promised, I will now tell you about “The Hypocrite.” It’s a veggie dog covered in chili sauce. It’s designed to serve as a bridge to recovery for my vegetarian friends. It costs 25 cents less than our regular veggie dog. Why? Because I’m here to help.

Today the man who designed the Hot D***a logo had the chance to visit the store for the first time. Look for him soon on the Wall of Wieners.

Yesterday a man ordered “both sides of The Battle at the Alamo.” By that he meant “I’ll have a Texan and a Mexico.”

On Monday I intend to tell you about our newest menu addition, “The Hypocrite.” It’s very special.

Customers have been creative as of late. That’s what this is all about.

I’m talking about fruitshakes, people. People are ordering combinations not on the menu. Good thinking!

Just yesterday I read that doing crossword puzzles helps prevent senility. Phew!

Today Hot D***a is serving a tomato basil bisque soup. While pondering this, I have come to the realization that “Busk for Bisque” would be a great name for a charity event.

I think perhaps artists could be sponsored for this event, and the longer they played, or busked if you will, the more bisque that would be donated to a food kitchen somewhere.

So, Phil Collins and Macy Gray, if you’re reading this, let me know.

As promised, Hot Blogma is about to bring you the exciting and uninterrupted two-part conclusion of The Senile Journey. But first, a word from our sponsor.

There’s a rumor that Hot D***a may begin serving soft pretzels soon.

Part 10. Part 11.

There is this phenomenon. This phenomenon where women, particularly middle-aged women, will walk into Hot D***a and demand one or two potato chips.

They have no intention of paying for said chips, but usually they do order something else. They speak as if it is their God-given right to consume the potato chips I sell to everyone else for free. They act as if it would be unfathomable for me not to understand. “Just a taste,” they’ll say, “I’m serious.” Sometimes they’ll attempt to reach over the counter and help themselves.

Whenever this happens, maybe once every two months, I’m caught by surprise. I want to announce that Americans in general have serious issues with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement and that by making such an ultimatum to me they’re only adding fuel to an already raging fire, but instead I tend to quietly oblige. It’s not that I mind giving away a couple free potato chips every now and then, it’s just that I think it’s really strange that this occurence has happened on a consistent basis over the past 18 months. It seems like the world should know.

More than anything I think this speaks to deep psychological food issues all or most women must have. I won’t pretend I begin to understand.

In response to this situation I’m considering offering a “Women’s Menu.”

Bites of Hot Dog: 50 cents
Single Potato Chips: 7 cents (Two for a dime!)
Sips of Soda: 5 cents
Guilt: Free

Some days I wonder about that group we call the fairer sex.

Here’s Part 6 of The Senile Journey. It’s the midpoint, if you’re wondering.

Hot D***a is now serving milkshakes and root beer floats! 108.

Today a customer ordered a frankfurter salad with “California French Style” dressing. In fact, as I was running through her salad dressing options, she became fixated on the California French alternative. This was because we had neither a California style nor a French style hot dog on our menu. She makes a good point.

I had never given our “California French Style” salad dressing much thought before. Now I’m wondering, how can a salad dressing be both Californian and French at the same time? It doesn’t make any sense. That’s okay, because after all, what’s important is that we all now realize that “California French Style” dressing works well with a frankfurter salad.

In other news, I’m pleased to see that at least one computer dating service is now reading this blog (see comment on January 6). To think, lucyammons15571836 wants to meet me tonight! Maybe I’ll bring some floppy disks to insert in her drive. That would really boot ‘er up, eh?

In serious news, my friend Karis is having an intestinal transplant. It might very well be happening right now. Please pray for her. http://aup.org/karis/latest_update.htm