Today I am coordinating a conference call. I’ve never done that before.

Tomorrow I am driving to New Jersey. Something with which I have more than a little experience.

Happy New Year, we’ll see you January 2nd!

I drove to Cleveland to watch the Yankees play the Indians on the 4th of July and they lost 19 to 1. I invited my dad to go to the game, so he drove all the way from New Jersey to see the same debacle I did.

Let’s just say the Bronx Bombers won’t be winning any “2006 Impeccable Timing Awards” as chosen by Tim.

In my opinion, a Major League Baseball team losing 19 to 1 is the rough equivalent of Hot D***a selling only one hot dog on a given day of the week while at the same time having to pay 674% in taxes on the cost of that single frank. Sure it could happen, but there’s no reason that it ever should.

Things have been short and sweet in this space lately, haven’t they?

Well, you know what they say. “Take care of the business and it will take care of you.”

That has nothing to do with why things have been short and sweet, but it is a good phrase. I like it.

Maybe instead “they” should say this. “When one turns twenty-five one loses his or her ability to write pithy online vignettes, but only if he or she was born in Overlook Hospital of Summit, New Jersey.” At least you’d have an explanation if that was what “they” said.

On Monday morning I stared Destiny in the face and a single tear drop fell from Her eye. I’m serious. Destiny is my cat, and I capitalized “her” to be tricky. It was pretty strange, if not poetic, and definitely highly appropriate given a sequence of events that has occurred this week.

The latter of those events revolves around the fact that somehow the New Jersey Devils are the Atlantic Division Champions, and the New York Rangers, who never trailed the Devils until last night, now sit sixth in the Eastern Conference. The good news is the playoffs start Saturday and the good guys face-off against the bad guys in the first round. I’ll be doing everything I can to keep Destiny smiling!

It’s time for a hot dog. Now THAT’S a good idea.

On March 28 I accidentally sent a package by fourth class mail to New Jersey. It still hasn’t arrived, and I’m left wondering how I possibly managed to send something fourth class. I didn’t even know that was an option. In fact, I’d like to know if second and third class mail exists.

Anyway, I didn’t know what I had done until Monday when I stopped by the post office with my receipt to check in on said package. It was explained to me that when you send something fourth class it gets thrown in a train car. Then, the train car doesn’t make any deliveries until it is entirely full.

So, sending something fourth class is essentially rolling the dice. If your package ends up as the last thing in the car it gets there as soon as first class would arrive. If it’s first on, well, all bets are off.

Tomorrow will be Wednesday, for the purposes of this blog, as I include another installment of “The Senile Journey” with my entry. 129.

It’s late on a Friday night. I’ll bet you can’t guess where I am right now. It’s probably better that way.

Lately I’ve been reminiscing quite a bit about a place called Burger Express.

It was a burger chain with at least two locations in New Jersey, but it closed when I was about four years old. I remember it so vividly. What I liked most, aside from the burger, was the train you could sit in while you ate. What I wouldn’t give to eat at Burger Express, in that train, just one more time.

The two Burger Expresses I knew of became Burger Kings at the same time. Today one is currently “Chen’s Hunan Chinese Food,” and the other has been razed and is part of a parking lot for something called “The Wine Library.”

When I search the internet for “Burger Express,” I find no information. If any of you out there can tell me more about the history of Burger Express, lunch at Hot D***a is on me.

So here I am in New Jersey, and guess what? I’m bringing a souvenir back to Pittsburgh!

My parents have a very steep driveway. It’s quite icy right now. This morning my dad, try as he might, could not get his car up the driveway. This evening I helped him get his car back in the garage. It was perilously close to a birch tree, and to avoid said foliage it needed a good solid push.

The thing is, I only brought a “nicer” pair of shoes with me on this trip because I’m going to see a Broadway show tomorrow afternoon. What I mean by a “nicer” pair of shoes, of course, is a pair of shoes without any traction whatsoever.

After successfully pushing my dad’s car safely clear of the tree in question, I headed back up his driveway. While attempting to cross it and safely reach the front yard I slipped on the solid yet sloped sheet of ice that is currently in place. I landed directly on my right cheek and slid all the way back down the driveway. The slide itself was quite a fun ride. Needless to say, though, I now have a very rosy cheek!

Prior to all that happening my grandmother received 80 Idaho potatoes (4073) from my relative “Pat” as a birthday gift. You better believe there’s a great story behind that one!

Among other things, my sister also purchased a chocolate fountain specifically for this celebration. The champagne and Corona flowed freely, and many of my relatives, all true New Yorkers, spoke excitedly of the Yankees upcoming season and the season tickets that a select few of them should soon be receiving in the mail.

In case you’re wondering, it’s safe to say you’re a true New Yorker when you consider driving to New Jersey an adventure and/or a trip into the country.

Then there’s my Uncle Tony, who has migrated to Maine and currently holds the family record for visits to Hot D***a. In fact, he might be in Pittsburgh on business this Tuesday. He offered great words of wisdom pertaining to a certain situation I currently find myself entangled in. “I lost a lot of money when I was older than you,” remarked Tony, “and I made it all back.” Here, here!

And all this while, Orbitz, my flight planner for this little weekend excursion, is still leaving me voice mails informing me that my flight is delayed and I won’t be arriving in Newark until tomorrow afternoon at 5 pm. Sometimes I love my life so much!

Moments ago I touched down in Newark. As my flight landed I could see wonderful buildings from my window. The very same wonderful buildings that I’ll be in the midst of on Sunday afternoon.

Airports have a funny way of putting things in perspective for me. More on my flight later…

The reason I’m not in Pittsburgh right now is because I’m spending the weekend with my extended family as we celebrate my grandmother’s 80th birthday.

As I think about 80 years old, I think about how much I want to do before I come anywhere close to that age. I want to finish what I’ve started in Pittsburgh before moving on to New Orleans, Toronto, and San Diego. I very much want to live in each of those cities for at least a year or so.

Then, around age 40, I want to return to New York, start a family and either purchase Madison Square Garden or train to become a veterinarian. After all, I don’t think I could possibly purchase Madison Square Garden AND become a veterinarian. Then again, one should never sell oneself short. On that note, I’d like to visit all 7 continents by the time I’m 60.

So much to do! The clock is ticking, eh? I wonder if I’ll get to everything.

Well, today has not been at all what I expected.

First, my bun guy couldn’t get downtown because of the parade, so at about 11:15 I booked it down to Restaurant Depot on my bike. I made it there and back in less than 30 minutes, and thankfully we ended up with buns for everyone (who wanted one)!

Then, as I was making an order, a man named Larry asked me what part of New Jersey I was from. He knew I was from New Jersey because today I happen to be wearing a green hoodie that reads “JERSEY PRIDE” across its back. It’s my all-time favorite article of clothing.

I told Larry I grew up in a town called Summit, and he responded that until two years ago he lived in nearby Maplewood. Now Larry lives in Squirrel Hill, and I live in the Strip District.

Anyway, we got to talking and he mentioned that he works for the Pittsburgh Symphony. I mentioned that I just saw the Pittsburgh Youth Symphony give a free concert and that I’d like to go to more classical performances, but that my budget is a fairly limited one these days.

So, we got to talking more and it came up that I used to play in the New Jersey Youth Symphony. Turns out that his son Jack, who is two years younger than me, did as well. Turns out I remember Jack because we were in the same chamber orchestra when I was in the sixth grade. I played the viola and he played the cello. Jack, considering his age advantage, was better than me.

In any case, Jack graduated from the University of Chicago last year. I gave Larry my card and told him to say hello to Jack for me. After that, Larry told me that I could go see the Pittsburgh Symphony as his guest sometime. He gave me his card. Turns out he’s President and CEO of the entire orchestra.

Later in the day I cut up a kielbasa and a knockwurst into bite size pieces for a man from Washington DC. I served these pieces to him without a bun. I gave them to him in a bowl with some chili and cheese. He tipped me with a t-shirt that reads “THE BIG GAME, FEBRUARY 5, 2006, DETROIT, MICHIGAN.” Aside from a large “XL” in the background it says nothing else.

Quite a day, wouldn’t you say! 45.

I’m wearing Christmas clothes today. They’re very nice. If you’re someone like me, who doesn’t really buy clothing, it’s a particularly strange thing. I don’t feel like myself. I should be in a catalog. A catalog where there are beautiful people with unstained clothing. I think I’d rather be in a hot dog shoppe, but maybe I can keep those stains away for at least a little while.

So, how was Christmas? Well, it involved a lot of driving and even more eating. I drove to New Jersey and ate spare ribs. Then I drove across town and ate in a very nice restaruant. Then I went to a Christmas Eve service. Then my car broke down in a big way. In fact, it’s still in New Jersey.

Lack of personally owned vehicle, however, did not stop the eating or the driving. Oh no. On Christmas day my family drove to my grandmother’s house. You know what they say about food and a grandmother’s house. From there we drove to a friend’s 30th birthday party, where we encountered massive amounts of Greek food piled about a nicely furnished home.

Then it was very late. I tried to sleep in a room with some kittens, one of whom continually had seizures throughout the night. I moved to a couch. The kitten is, as of now, still okay.

Then I drove back to Pittsburgh in my mother’s car and ate leftovers immediately upon my arrival.