Until we’re road ready I humbly suggest that you use your wheels (or feet) to come and visit Franktuary downtown.  And even once we’re road ready… we’d like it if you continue to visit us downtown then, too.

What else is going on?  The Igloo may be hosting it’s final hockey game tomorrow evening.  Regardless of whether the Pens can beat the Canadiens, the old barn has had quite a run:

Of course, any sane person knows that the best part of Steelers season has nothing to do with winning SuperBowls or hanging out with friends on Sunday afternoons. It’s all about the Roethlisfurter and Polamalunesian. These two delectable dogs are only available during football season and are half-price the day after any Steelers victory. If I may be so bold, I believe they’re the very reason Pittsburgh has such a long standing love affair with its gridiron heroes.*

Sadly, Franktuary offers no seasonal franks with a Penguin theme. If you have suggestions, send them our way! As for the Pirates, well, until they cross that impenetrable .500 divide, they’ll have to wait to be immortalized in sausage format.

*See previous post about balogna, spelled phonetically.

All day today the Pittsburgh is half-off at Franktuary. You can thank #87 and company for that!

Here’s hoping we see a rematch of the 1992 Stanley Cup Finals, but hopefully we can avoid this:

Mention this blog entry the day after victory and receive one Pittsburgh frank for half of its regular price. After all, should fortune shine upon the Steel City, the Pens will be half-way to Lord Stanley’s Cup.

“Dear Mr. Peduto:

We at Franktuary are dismayed to hear that the plan to have skyscraper-size posters of Marc-Andre Fleury and Sidney Crosby adorn the outer-walls of Fifth Avenue Place has been ‘pooh-poohed‘ because of political ‘drama.‘ We are confident that you feel similarly.

Therefore, we present through you, a chance for the City Council and, most importantly, Mayor Luke, to experience redemption. After all, if not redemption, what is a Franktuary for? Without further adieu, I give you the plan.

It’s as simple as skyscraper-size posters of Franktuary co-founders Tim and Megan. Picture them this summer in the lofty place that Sidney and Marc-Andre should have been granted during the Stanley Cup Finals. July is National Hot Dog Month, you know. To avoid legal problems with the current billboard freeze, City Council can pronounce a temporary Hot Dog Holiday.

Instead of the Penguins logo, another recognizable Pittsburgh logo -that of Franktuary- will be prominently displayed on the Megan and Tim posters. The Reebok logo will be replaced by that of Boar’s Head Delicatessen. The phrase ‘Your Move.’ will give way to ‘Bun Nation Under God.’

We look forward to hearing from you soon as well as seeing ourselves in larger than life format in the very near future.

Respectfully your concerned citizen,
Tim Tobitsch for Franktuary
emailus@franktuary.com

PS: It is our understanding that you will not be running for mayor in the next election. We are sad, but we also understand. If you would like us to run as your “mayoral-puppets,” we would consider it.”

Also, Mayor Luke is disappointed that he might not be able to take an all-expense paid trip to Detroit to see the Penguins play on the road. The poor guy has been able to go to games for free all season but, because of the ticket value of a finals game, he’d be breaking ethics rules by accepting a free pass to watch the Penguins right now. When the going gets “tough,” apparently our mayor voices his grievances in the newspaper. After all, with a $98,000 salary he certainly can’t afford to go to a game and support the city he governs on his own.

So, back to those posters. I’ve got an alternative plan. Why not giant 40 by 85 foot posters of Tim and Megan with the Franktuary logo and the phrase “Bun nation under God”? Luke, city council, this is your second chance.

Anyway, a woman just walked by my store, indoors, with a large shopping cart. How disjointed. That’s neither here nor there, but I kid you not.

So how ’bout those Penguins, staying in Pittsburgh. Woohoo!

And finally, you should know that my “rotten apple” is back in the shop. Updates to this blog may be sporadic over the next few days. Kidding aside, the guy at the Apple Store was great last night. I’m getting a new CD drive with 10 days to spare on my warranty. I’m pretty excited about that. In the world of customer service it’s the individual you deal with directly that makes more of a difference than the actual company he works for.

Click to hear Chapter 3!

I think the Penguins should find a way to privately finance a new arena that literally floats in the river. It should sit on a giant man-made ice berg and be dubbed the “new igloo.” There should be a glass bottom floor in the promenade. Prior to an event one would enter the arena from a docking point in Point State Park. During an event the arena would dreamily drift in the general vicinity of Point State Park. Then, even when the Pens are as bad as they currently are, it would be tough to say your ticket wasn’t worth the price of admission. Move over Just Ducky Tours! 85.

In keeping with the sports theme, I’ll talk about the Penguins.

I propose that Fox Sports Pittsburgh turn them into a reality TV show. Fire all the front office and coaching staff and put authentic yinzers in their place. Watch the sparks fly. Things really can’t get worse for the Pens, and with my plan, ratings would go up even if things did get worse. It would be entertaining television, for sure. ESPN might pick it up. Hot D***a would sponsor it, if we could afford to sponsor something like that. 20.

Delivery calls… must go.