Earlier in the afternoon the following memo was mailed to one Mr. Bill Peduto.

“Dear Mr. Peduto:

We at Franktuary are dismayed to hear that the plan to have skyscraper-size posters of Marc-Andre Fleury and Sidney Crosby adorn the outer-walls of Fifth Avenue Place has been ‘pooh-poohed‘ because of political ‘drama.‘ We are confident that you feel similarly.

Therefore, we present through you, a chance for the City Council and, most importantly, Mayor Luke, to experience redemption. After all, if not redemption, what is a Franktuary for? Without further adieu, I give you the plan.

It’s as simple as skyscraper-size posters of Franktuary co-founders Tim and Megan. Picture them this summer in the lofty place that Sidney and Marc-Andre should have been granted during the Stanley Cup Finals. July is National Hot Dog Month, you know. To avoid legal problems with the current billboard freeze, City Council can pronounce a temporary Hot Dog Holiday.

Instead of the Penguins logo, another recognizable Pittsburgh logo -that of Franktuary- will be prominently displayed on the Megan and Tim posters. The Reebok logo will be replaced by that of Boar’s Head Delicatessen. The phrase ‘Your Move.’ will give way to ‘Bun Nation Under God.’

We look forward to hearing from you soon as well as seeing ourselves in larger than life format in the very near future.

Respectfully your concerned citizen,
Tim Tobitsch for Franktuary
emailus@franktuary.com

PS: It is our understanding that you will not be running for mayor in the next election. We are sad, but we also understand. If you would like us to run as your “mayoral-puppets,” we would consider it.”

Word in the Post-Gazette is that Mayor Luke and the city council find themselves in a spat over whether giant 40 foot by 85 foot posters of Sidney Crosby and Marc-Andre Fleury should be hung on the skyscraper walls of Fifth Avenue Place during the Stanley Cup Finals. These posters would have a Reebok logo and slogan on them. Interestingly enough, both parties are in favor of seeing the posters go up. Ironically, because of the scuffle no posters will be going up. Ahhh, there’s nothing quite like the aroma of Pittsburgh politics in the air on a cool spring day!

Also, Mayor Luke is disappointed that he might not be able to take an all-expense paid trip to Detroit to see the Penguins play on the road. The poor guy has been able to go to games for free all season but, because of the ticket value of a finals game, he’d be breaking ethics rules by accepting a free pass to watch the Penguins right now. When the going gets “tough,” apparently our mayor voices his grievances in the newspaper. After all, with a $98,000 salary he certainly can’t afford to go to a game and support the city he governs on his own.

So, back to those posters. I’ve got an alternative plan. Why not giant 40 by 85 foot posters of Tim and Megan with the Franktuary logo and the phrase “Bun nation under God”? Luke, city council, this is your second chance.

Okay, so the sausage poll proved not to be an accurate predictor of how the state of Pennsylvania voted in the recently held democratic presidential primary. However, it is interesting to note that it was accurate within 2% of the actual vote in the 1st Ward of Pittsburgh, where Franktuary is located. The sausage poll recorded the Barackwurst as receiving 69.5% of the vote and the real Mr. Obama received 67.7% of votes cast in the first ward.

Clearly, if the democratic party takes the initiative to provide funding for Franktuarys to exist all over the nation, their politicians will no longer need to run expensive and combative campaigns. Instead, the party can simply encourage people everywhere to buy the sausage of their preference and go with the results. It’s a foolproof system that makes at least as much sense as one that employs superdelegates bestowed with the ability to overrule the will of the American people. Plus, the sausage system is good for small business!

In other news, someone attempted to break into Franktuary last night. We now have a wooden board where a window used to be. Fortunately no harm beyond that.

It seems only right that a city as overlooked and underrated as Pittsburgh gets to play such a significant role in our nation’s political process. It’s not every city that boasts being the official home of something as patriotic as the sausage poll, after all.

As the poll draws to a close the Barackwurst holds a commanding lead, 47-24, over the Hillbasa. With only one full day remaining prior to the Pennsylvania primary, Hillary supporters need to come out in force if there is to be any hope of her catching Barack in this snappy race.

But, you ask, what does it all mean? Well, for one, if Mr. Obama happens to win the state of Pennsylvania the sausage poll will prove to be the most accurate political predictor in all the land! Granted, he will almost definitely not win by a margin of two to one, but every other poll I’ve seen lists Mrs. Clinton as coming out on top in Pennsylvania. So, soon we’ll know whether the sausage poll has merit. We already know that it has mustard!

Additional observations: The Obama campaign enthusiastically embraced the sausage poll concept, going so far as to feature Franktuary on pa.barackobama.com, while the Clinton campaign largely paid it no attention. As Franktuary is owned by two twenty-somethings this circumstance corroborates the widespread opinion that the Obama campaign is in touch with the youth of America while the Clinton campaign is focused on other demographic targets.

The big questions, of course, remain unanswered. That is to say, who will earn the right to try and take down the Hot McCainine??? Will Bob Barr force the creative minds at Franktuary to come up with a Libertarian sausage?? Does Ralph Nader even eat sausage? Stay tuned, people.

MMMMMM. It’s been a while, yes? Franktuary no so good at blogging anymore, eh? Franktuary still so good at the sausage cooking! Don’t read, peoples, just taste! Peoples is peoples!

Last week, while incapacitated, I viewed the film “Muppets Take Manhattan.” It sure is nice to be capacitated these days.

Barackwurst 34, Hillbasa 22.

A new in-store-one-sitting record has been set for frankfurters consumed at Franktuary. Today Justin ate an entire Colossus –that’s eight hot dogs featuring every condiment we offer, four servings of potato chips, and a platter full of spinach– entirely on his own. Justin, if you’re still alive, congratulations and happy birthday!

In other news, Barackwurst 14, Hillbasa 12.

In a late-afternoon surge, the Hillbasa has drawn to within one purchase of the Barackwurst, 12-11. Ever so briefly, things were tied.

The Pennsylvania Sausage Poll is officially up and running. With 6.5% of precincts reporting the Barackwurst maintains its narrow three point lead.

Barackwurst Opens Three Point Lead Over Hillbasa

Franktuary introduces its newest menu additions, the Barackwurst and the Hillbasa.

In a nod to Pennsylvania’s upcoming Democratic presidential primary the restaurant is offering two politically themed menu items as an innovative way of predicting the results of the actual vote, which will be held on April 22, 2008. On a weekly basis Franktuary will announce its poll results, based on the ratio of respective sausages sold, through the website sausagepoll.com.

The Barackwurst, featuring an array of patriotic condiments, is a half-link of knockwurst and a half-link of bratwurst served on two New England top-split rolls. Red grape tomatoes, creamy white horseradish sauce, and crumbled blue corn tortilla chips are drizzled over the two different wursts that have come together to support one cause.

The Hillbasa is a kielbasa split length-wise and served with nearly identical condiments, also on two top-split rolls. “Quite honestly,” reports Franktuary co-owner Tim Tobitsch, “the two products are strikingly similar. However, the Hillbasa does come with a mandated side of Bill pickles, while rumors persist that the Barackwurst is served with a side of whatever one hopes.” When asked about the overwhelming demand that may be created by the novelty menu items Tobitsch quipped, “We’re a very small restaurant, but better we sell out than the politicians.”

Both the Barackwurst and Hillbasa are presented with a running-mate (side order) and Pennsylvania Punch, a locally produced soft-drink from the Natrona Bottling Company, for $7.00. Customers can purchase a Rocky Road to the White House Cherry Sundae for an additional $5.00. Customers who wish to be patriotic while abstaining from meat may replace wursts or kielbasa with two veggie dogs.

At a later date, Franktuary promises to introduce another politically themed frankfurter, the Hot McCainine, to be served with a side of Bush’s Baked Beans. When asked whom it advocates as the United States’ next President, Franktuary refused to play favorites, citing allegiance only to America.