Franktuary » Senile Journey

The Senile Journey Concludes

Tim — Wed, 03 May 2006 19:01:00 +0000

As promised, Hot Blogma is about to bring you the exciting and uninterrupted two-part conclusion of The Senile Journey. But first, a word from our sponsor.

There’s a rumor that Hot D***a may begin serving soft pretzels soon.

Part 10. Part 11.

Expect the Unexpected

Tim — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 19:57:00 +0000

Yesterday was not what I expected. I thought I was going to spend the evening finishing up some paperwork. Instead I cavorted around Pittsburgh with a British journalist who is traveling through the states, with no particular schedule. His purpose is to meet interesting people and then to write about them in a regular column for the UK Metro.

I met him when he happened into Hot D***a seeking free wireless internet. He needed some help with his computer, one thing led to another, and he wound up spending the evening with my friends and I as well as staying over at my apartment. He’s at the very beginning of his three month odyssey, and his columns will begin appearing in his paper sometime next week. I think it might be best if I wait for him to give you a synopsis of our evening, rather than writing about it myself right now. I’ll post the link in this very space as soon as it exists!

And because of this week’s omission, expect a double-dose of the Senile Journey next week, as the exciting adventure draws to a close.

Head Games

Tim — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 19:56:00 +0000

I think my handlebar mustache is so manly that it’s causing the remaining whiskers on my face to actually grow at a faster rate. Someone left a bike helmet in my car so lately I’ve been wearing it when I drive the old Windstar.

To celebrate these exciting realities, I give you The Senile Journey, Episode 9 of 11.

The Saga Continues

Tim — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 18:16:00 +0000

I just received a most interesting phone call. A phone call I can’t talk about.
So, instead, here’s part 8 of 11.
Happy Easter.

Fourth Class Mail

Tim — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 17:54:00 +0000

On March 28 I accidentally sent a package by fourth class mail to New Jersey. It still hasn’t arrived, and I’m left wondering how I possibly managed to send something fourth class. I didn’t even know that was an option. In fact, I’d like to know if second and third class mail exists.

Anyway, I didn’t know what I had done until Monday when I stopped by the post office with my receipt to check in on said package. It was explained to me that when you send something fourth class it gets thrown in a train car. Then, the train car doesn’t make any deliveries until it is entirely full.

So, sending something fourth class is essentially rolling the dice. If your package ends up as the last thing in the car it gets there as soon as first class would arrive. If it’s first on, well, all bets are off.

Tomorrow will be Wednesday, for the purposes of this blog, as I include another installment of “The Senile Journey” with my entry. 129.

7 (of) 11

Tim — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 18:27:00 +0000

This morning, at 1:02 and three seconds, the official time and date was 01:02:03-04/05/06. Last night the New York Rangers clinched a playoff spot for the first time since 1997:).

Here’s part 7 of 11.

Root Beer Floats!

Tim — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:55:00 +0000

Here’s Part 6 of The Senile Journey. It’s the midpoint, if you’re wondering.

Hot D***a is now serving milkshakes and root beer floats! 108.

The Sniper

Tim — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 20:05:00 +0000

Reports of a sniper in downtown Pittsburgh have been circulating this afternoon. Thankfully, it appears that said reports were only false alarms. Apparently a man with a pellet gun was on top of a downtown building shooting pigeons. Until moments ago no one knew those latter details. In fact, the word on the street was that three people had been shot with a high-powered rifle by a camouflaged man staked out on the top of a skyscraper in the Cultural District. Word out of the news studios was that children attending schools downtown would not be permitted to leave until the SWAT team had resolved the situation.

All that’s changed now. Streets are starting to reopen. Let’s hope this is behind us with no one hurt!

Once I ate 137 cherries without spitting out or swallowing any of the pits. Pits aren’t far from pellets. Anyway, see if you can top that! Once I also ate 12 hotdogs in less than 45 minutes, then immediately walked more than a mile quite briskly, and proceeded to view a musical without vomiting. I don’t recommend trying to top that, but should you attempt such a thing let me know how you fare! I suspect some of you might have trouble stomaching a musical on an empty and sedentary stomach(e).

Here’s Part 5 of The Senile Journey. You thought I forgot, didn’t you?

The Name Game

Tim — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 19:43:00 +0000

Yesterday I realized that the name “Megan” is only one letter beyond the word “mean.” We all know my business partner is nowhere close to average, so what, pray tell, shall we should conclude about her??

Names are funny things. Sometimes my dad gets envelopes in the mail addressed to “Thos F. Itsch.” In case you’re wondering, that’s a whole lot more than one letter off from his actual name.

Today most certainly isn’t Wednesday, but we can pretend otherwise. That way I can deliver Part 4 of The Senile Journey to you, despite the fact that it slipped my mind yesterday.

Part 3 of 11

Tim — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 19:56:00 +0000

As promised, another section of the Senile Journey has been posted!

Click to hear Chapter 3!

I think the Penguins should find a way to privately finance a new arena that literally floats in the river. It should sit on a giant man-made ice berg and be dubbed the “new igloo.” There should be a glass bottom floor in the promenade. Prior to an event one would enter the arena from a docking point in Point State Park. During an event the arena would dreamily drift in the general vicinity of Point State Park. Then, even when the Pens are as bad as they currently are, it would be tough to say your ticket wasn’t worth the price of admission. Move over Just Ducky Tours! 85.