If you have any idea what this subject means, you might understand why my hatred for our tax system grows stronger everyday. It’s maddening, really.

I don’t know what else to say, so I won’t. See you soon!

We’ve had some real characters in here this week. That’s all I’m going to say about that!

Now I’m working on filing some taxes. I’ve got to do the 1065 so I can do the K-1 which leads to Schedule M and the W-3 transmittal. In doing so I get to fill in fields such as “gross farming or fishing income,” as well as “Post-1986 Depreciation Adjustment.” I’d like to meet the person who invented this system. I’ll bet he’s a real character.

Today, as is 20th of every month, is the day that sales tax is due if you are a business. Happy Holidays!

Of course, today also happens to be the day that the city of Pittsburgh was awarded it’s single slots license by the Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board. The plan that would have provided a brand new arena for the city at no cost to the public was turned down, which, in my opinion, is really a shame. Count both Mario Lemieux and I as never having heard of a city turning down $300 million in private funding for a public facility… that is until today.

It’s a mystery to me, but hopefully things will work out for the best. As far as I can tell the fine people of this city will probably be paying higher taxes in the near future so a new arena can be built or there won’t be a new arena at all. Neither of those scenarios sound particularly appealing, but what can you do? It’s not as if we ever were given a chance to vote on this issue.

While a new arena isn’t essential, there is no doubt that it would benefit the city– not just the city’s hockey fans. I’m not so certain the pros outweigh the cons of having a casino– especially one that will be built next to the Carnegie Science Center where so many impressionable children visit on a regular basis. Time will tell, but until I’m proved wrong, I have to give the people behind this decision a big sarcastic “Way to GO!”

So, if the next time you visit Franktuary, a combo costs $4.32 instead of $4.28, remember we didn’t raise our prices, it was your brilliant government officials.

I drove to Cleveland to watch the Yankees play the Indians on the 4th of July and they lost 19 to 1. I invited my dad to go to the game, so he drove all the way from New Jersey to see the same debacle I did.

Let’s just say the Bronx Bombers won’t be winning any “2006 Impeccable Timing Awards” as chosen by Tim.

In my opinion, a Major League Baseball team losing 19 to 1 is the rough equivalent of Hot D***a selling only one hot dog on a given day of the week while at the same time having to pay 674% in taxes on the cost of that single frank. Sure it could happen, but there’s no reason that it ever should.

As a business owner, I have the opportunity to file lots of taxes. February 28 is a big day, because W-2s, W-3s, 1099s, and 1096s are due to the IRS.

I’ve immersed myself in tax documents over the past 24 hours and I’ve learned something very interesting. The federal government cares a whole heck of a lot about fish. Specifically, “fish purchases for cash.”

Some of you may be familiar with Form 1099. It’s what you get when you do work as an independent contracter. When you receive it, Box 7 is filled out with the wages you’ve earned (independently) from a certain entity over the past year. What you probably don’t realize is that Box 7 is also where a business owner reports their “fish purchases for cash.” You report this in Box 7, despite the fact that there is a separate space, Box 5, to report your “fishing boat proceeds.” Obviously this makes perfect sense. After all, everyone knows that hiring an independent contractor and purchasing a fish are roughly equivalent experiences.

The IRS does not seem to be at all concerned with whether the business owners of America purchase poultry, beef, pork, vegetables, or minerals for cash. Only fish. Why? I have no idea, but it makes me want to leave the country. Fast.

“Fish purchases for cash.” I don’t know what else to tell you, so I’ll just leave you with a quote – straight from your government to you:

“You must report total cash payments of $600 or more paid during the year to any person who is engaged in the trade or business of catching fish. Report these payments in Box 7… ‘Fish’ means all fish and other forms of aquatic life. ‘Cash’ means U.S. and foreign coin and currenccy and a cashier’s check, bank draft, traveler’s checks, or money order.”

Here’s a real-life story that explains exactly why the IRS has the reputation that it does. For the quarter ending in March of 2005 Hot D***a made a small computational error while filing its taxes. As it was an honest error, Hot D***a had no idea there was a problem until its proprietors were contacted by the IRS.

For reasons only the government can explain, Hot D***a was not contacted about the error it made until the middle of September, 2005. For those of you counting, that would be nearly two full quarters after the filing.

In the time it took the IRS to notify Hot D***a of its error an entire season of Major League Baseball was played, several new Supreme Court Justices were appointed, and my facial hair grew a total of 36.4 inches. No joke.

So, why is it then, that Hot D***a is being forced to pay interest that has accumulated over the past six months and EXCEEDS the total value of the principal? There is no question that Hot D***a owes the IRS money, but how is it fair for the government to claim gratuitous interest rates on an unwitting company after failing to notify said company that it owes any money in the first place. All I know is that the IRS didn’t have any trouble cashing Hot D***a’s check back in April.

Chalk one up for absolute power corrupting absolutely.

My goodness, a series of circumstances has caused me not to have had a frankfurter since Friday. I really hope that changes tomorrow, and maybe then we can talk about that Hi-Fi show.

Hi folks!

I realized this morning, more than ever, that I am an American! Why, you ask?? Today I received a letter from some fine folks in Miami who want to sue Hot D***a because, in their opinion, we’re infringing on their trademark rights. Apparently there’s a place in Miami called the $#%@$ Grill. Even though the $#%@$ Grill is only located in Miami, they believe they’re nationally known and that consumers must be confused between our two companies, MORE THAN 1,000 MILES APART. We’ll see what comes of this…

Later in the afternoon, I received my quarterly tax form. Nothing says “I’m an American” like being threatened with a law suit for literally minding your own business and being reminded to file a complicated tax form in the same day! Glad to see that our system is working exactly as our forefathers intended! Does anyone know the way to Canada?

I mailed my taxes today. Sure am glad THAT’s off my chest. Now it’s time for a story. By the way, I am NOT making this up.

During my senior year of high school I had a one-handed physics teacher, we’ll call her Uno. Legend has it she lost her other hand sky diving.

Anyway, Uno was a very sweet and knowledgeable woman, but she had very little control of her classes. On any given day, someone would ask to go to the bathroom and come back twenty minutes later with a milk shake in their hands. There were even times when someone would use the phone in the classroom to order Chinese food and have it delivered!

To be continued…