1) At a certain restaurant 1/3 of the diners paid for their meals in cash, 1/2 paid with a credit card, and the remaining 16 washed dishes in exchange for their food. If the person to your right is eating red meat, you think to yourself:
A) How unhealthy; I’m a vegetarian!
B) How deplorable; I’m a vegan!
C) How delicious; Can I have some?
D) How compelling; Is that beef grass-fed?
E) 96

2) This website as a whole suggests that the management of Franktuary believes raw milk to be:
A) A dangerous substance that should be banned in Pennsylvania
B) Essential to the underground Amish economy
C) Vital for healthy digestive flora
D) Ideal for cheese making
E) Far less scary, yet far less subsidized than HFCS

Seriously, if you know a high schooler in need of help with his test prep, you should talk to me.  It just so happens that in addition to my post as a tutor I’m also the Community Relationship Developer for Kaplan’s pre-college programs in western Pennsylvania.  Shoot an email to tim.tobitsch@kaplan.com.

Despite the working title, I have no “beef” with vegetarians (in their presence I prefer tofu). In fact, I think I understand where they’re coming from quite well. How can this be? Well, you’ll just have to read the book and find out. It will be positively groundbreaking. Look for it in stores sometime next decade.

In the meantime, read this (over and over and over again).

Oh yes, the thought. Why is it that of all the events I’ve ever catered the only one where veggie dogs have been anywhere near as popular as frankfurters was for a group of people who call themselves “The League of Pissed Off Voters”? Could it be that vegetarians are naturally angry and aggressive???

I jest, of course. Vegetarians are swell. Not only do I like many of them, I also like what they eat. It’s just that I also really really enjoy what they won’t eat.

There are many vegetarians who have earned my deep respect (outside the culinary realm).

Ha ha. Enough joshing around. If I didn’t like meat so much I’d probably be a vegetarian myself. Honestly, the concept is a noble one. If you can do it and it actually makes you feel healthier, more power to you.

Please, though, if I ever become a vegetarian stop me if I become, well, pissed off.

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, we will be closed this Monday, January 15. See you Tuesday!

Now, I’m not a big advocate of coffee. Not so much my thing. When it comes to food and beverage intake, caffeine is my achilles heel, so to speak. Nonetheless, I have been known to enjoy a cup of joe every now and then. Especially at a good coffee house.

What does that have to do with anything, you ask? Well, I met some seemingly cool people who live on the North Side over the weekend. They appear to have an uncanny amount in common with me. They’re vegetarians, they’re originally from Michigan, they love coffee… hmmm, wrong list. They’re in their mid-twenties, they’ve opened their own business, they want to directly benefit their neighborhood… that’s better.

Anyway, I’m going over to check out their place this evening. The address is 1501 Buena Vista Street. Do it yourself sometime, and read more about them right now!

As promised, I will now tell you about “The Hypocrite.” It’s a veggie dog covered in chili sauce. It’s designed to serve as a bridge to recovery for my vegetarian friends. It costs 25 cents less than our regular veggie dog. Why? Because I’m here to help.

About that cheesesteak competition. Turns out the rules have changed since I last entered the contest. Now there’s a $10 entry fee. I don’t know about that… sounds sketchy.

This weekend I, the single-guy owner of a hot dog shop, took a road trip with two married women, one female vegetarian, and one female vegan. I’m not sure what more I can say.

I just got a side job handing out free newspapers before Pirates game. It sort of found me. I start tonight. Hopefully it goes well!

It’s the kind of movie that everyone should watch in high school health or english class. Kind of like everyone should see “Stand and Deliver” in a math class sometime. Most movies you watch in school aren’t very good. Nonetheless, if you’re like me, you’re glad to be watching a movie in class because it’s far better than what typically goes on in a classroom. If nothing else, you can doze off more in peace than when the lights are on. Every once in a while, though, I’d get to watch a movie in school that was really good. Such a film was always a delightful break for the tedium of the 180 day grind. Teachers, add Crash to your list.

I recently discovered that another rather new acquaintance of mine is a vegetarian. It’s a full-fledged epidemic I tell you;). 88.

Airports have a funny way of putting things in perspective for me. More on my flight later…

The reason I’m not in Pittsburgh right now is because I’m spending the weekend with my extended family as we celebrate my grandmother’s 80th birthday.

As I think about 80 years old, I think about how much I want to do before I come anywhere close to that age. I want to finish what I’ve started in Pittsburgh before moving on to New Orleans, Toronto, and San Diego. I very much want to live in each of those cities for at least a year or so.

Then, around age 40, I want to return to New York, start a family and either purchase Madison Square Garden or train to become a veterinarian. After all, I don’t think I could possibly purchase Madison Square Garden AND become a veterinarian. Then again, one should never sell oneself short. On that note, I’d like to visit all 7 continents by the time I’m 60.

So much to do! The clock is ticking, eh? I wonder if I’ll get to everything.