Without further adieu, the exciting conclusion to “The Curious Case of Uno.”

While thoroughly confused by the progression of recent events, my sixth period physics class began to feel a collective sense of guilt about Uno’s absence from our classroom. After all, it was perfectly reasonable to believe that we had quite literally driven her crazy through our antics.

Naturally we decided to do what any high school physics class would do at this point- discover where our teacher lives with the intention of purchasing her flowers. Doug was the designated flower deliverer, but a prior commitment kept me from riding shotgun for this particular stage of our mission.

Flying solo, Doug arrived at the home of Uno on a terribly rainy spring afternoon. After ringing the doorbell, Uno’s sister, whom we first encountered at Cheryl’s Deli, promptly answered the door. As she opened the door two small children ran outside and began playing in the mud with a tennis ball. While ignoring the children, Uno’s sister was very hospitable toward Doug and assured him that a bed-ridden Uno was unable to see any visitors but would really appreciate the flowers.

As this explanation came forth, Uno’s gold Volvo pulled alongside of her muddy yard. Doug turned around as he heard the slowing car and made direct eye contact with Uno. Shortly thereafter the gold Volvo sped away and the sister’s demeanor changed entirely.

“All right kids, that’s enough, INSIDE NOW!” she stammered. “Thank you very much,” she spat at Doug as the front door slammed in his face.

Around this time, it came to our attention that it was probably best to leave Uno alone. However, the saga continues because Uno was apparently unable to leave us alone. About a month before the end of the school year each of her senior students received a letter in the mail.

Essentially it stated that she had stopped coming to school when she learned she wouldn’t be offered tenure but that she felt it was her duty to continue to fax us assignments. It went on to say that, though she would be with us in spirit, she would not be able to attend our graduation ceremony. This was because she was refusing to return several high school library books and her school-issued computer. Talk about strange.

As for my scientific education, don’t fret! A long-time chemistry teacher from my high school’s science department came out of retirement to teach us an entire year’s worth of physics in our final month as high school students.