I did some traveling this weekend. That left me with time to think- always a dangerous thing.

What I think is that it would be fun to have small blowgun powered tranquilizing darts under the counter. Then, whenever a person attempted to walk out of my store without making a purchase I could stick them with a dart. Of course, I wouldn’t want to hurt them in any way, but you’ve got to admit that it would be pretty entertaining if said people had blackouts in the range of three to five minutes. I would move them up to the sanctuary of the cathedral above our store and sit them in a pew. Upon waking, they’d have no idea how they got there! Good stuff.

I also think that I should start a Food Removal Service. It would be much like pest removal, only I would come into your house and eliminate all your unwanted carbs. I would do this by eating them. There might be a market for this sort of thing, you know? If anyone out there is interested…

Finally, have any of you ever seen “Bells are Ringing”? WOW. In high school I was part of the pit for that show. Mostly we in the brass section played practical jokes and baked cookies in our toaster oven. Since I was behind the curtain I never actually saw the show, until I watched a tape of my high school’s performance two days ago. Actually, I still haven’t seen the whole thing because even though I was in a car with a television for nearly three hours the darn thing just wouldn’t end. In fact, it was so long that they put credits in the middle of the production! Surely that’s a sign indicating no one should ever have to sit through Bells are Ringing from start to finish!

Certainly we didn’t have a particularly gifted cast or ensemble of musicians to work with, but if any show does itself in, Bells are Ringing is it. No matter how much better the clarinets could have played, or how much less awkwardly some of those actors could have graced the stage, “Bells are Ringing” would still be awful. Apparently someone disagrees with me, though, because I learned today that it won several Tony Awards in 1956. I personally think it’s a miracle that any of us associated with my high school’s production ever were accepted to college anywhere.

Anyway, more on musicals some other time. If you’ve seen Bells are Ringing share your thoughts here! If you haven’t, do whatever you can to stay away! If you have the itch to see a (good) musical I can make some recommendations…