Hello there everyone, I’m back from New Jersey. What a great place. Anyway, I’m not here to talk about the merits of the Garden State today. Instead, I want to talk about durians.

How many of you know what a durian is? Right, that’s what I thought. A durian is a very unique Asian fruit. Roughly the size of a small watermelon, it has a hard spiky outer shell and four globules that rest on a tough inner-membrane. After losing several quarts of blood while trying to open a durian, diners are expected to eat the aforementioned globules, which have a texture roughly equivalent to slightly frozen chunks of sour cream.

As the durian opens, an aroma fills the room that smells a lot like gasoline. In fact, I once accidentally evacuated the student union at my college with a durian because several people thought there was a natural gas leak. No joke. The firemen came. No one could figure out what “the problem” was.

All this said, people familiar with the durian love the durian. It’s considered a delicacy in many Asian countries. Who the first person ever to try a durian was, I’ll never know, but believe me it took some serious courage. Everything about the fruit, from the spiky shell to the hazardous material type odor, screams “Stay Away!”

So, that’s the story today, folks. Until YOU have enough courage to try a durian, I recommend sticking to a Hot D***a diet.