Have you heard? We have hot cider. For a limited time only. If you are feeling frigid this is your antidote. Hurry, before it’s too late. One day the cider will be gone and you will be cold all winter long. This is a fate you do not want. Unless, of course, you are Jadis, the dethroned ruler of Narnia and former Empress of the Lone Islands. And if that’s the case we’d prefer not to have you as a customer.

Not only that, but my first word was “hot.” Why wouldn’t you want to purchase hot cider from someone who has been speaking about half of the beverage since he began speaking? Paris Hilton was following me when she made the word popular. For those of you wondering, I cannot verify when “cider” became a part of my lexicon. However, my guess is I was using the word correctly before Paris, even if she was born three months earlier than me.