So, I’m not sure what happened, but today is moving slower than frozen molasses. Apparently August 8 is NOT a good day to have a hot dog. Apparently we at Hot D***a didn’t get the memo. If any of you out there are hungry, please, come on down!

In the mean time, let’s talk about corporate sponsorships. Frequently, we see stadiums that sell their naming rights to companies who desire a high-profile presence in said venue’s market. In Pittsburgh we have PNC Park, Heinz Field, and Mellon Arena.

Well, isn’t it obvious that we should get major universities to follow suit?? Perhaps alumni giving wouldn’t be so crucial to an institution’s survival if it had a large corporate backer. Perhaps these sponsorships would generate enough revenue that a considerable tuition discount could be passed along to students. Perhaps more likely tuition would increase 10% every year… wait, that’s how college works already. Perhaps tuition, much like sports tickets, could increase by at least 15% annually, and professors could engage in lengthy contract hold-outs, making them even more unavailable to teach their classes then they are currently!

Regardless, I propose that the University of Pittsburgh be hereby known as “Krispy Kreme College,” and that Carnegie Mellon University adopt “The Dunkin Donuts Center for Higher Learning” as its new moniker. It’s my opinion that $30,000 in annual tuition might go down more smoothly with a good supply of jelly donuts in every dorm.