Here at Hot D***a we have a customer named John Hall. If you’ve been in the store at all regularly there’s a good chance you would recognize him. He’s homeless, has a long straggly beard, and smells strongly of tobacco. To be honest, he’s quite crazy, but he’s also unfailingly polite and entirely harmless.

He always pays for everything he eats in the store, and apologizes regularly about his appearance. He claims his identity was stolen two years ago, and I believe him. The problem is I’m almost certain he’s been crazy for several years longer than two. I know with certainty he worked in a Lawrenceville steel mill back in the 70s. In fact, I’m fairly confident I can more or less piece together John’s entire life story. I wish I could do something for him. He claims he’s been to the local Social Security office as well as the United Steel Workers Association office to try and sort out his identity issues. I’m sure in the paranoid conspiracy laden mindset that is his everyday experience he didn’t present himself all that convincingly.

Nonetheless, until his identity was stolen two years ago he claims he received a regular social security check as well as a check from the USWA, and that with those two sources of income was able to maintain a home on the North Side. I’m not at all sure his timeline is correct, but again, I tend to think the gist of what he’s saying has a fair amount of truth.

So, as long as John keeps coming in to Hot D***a I plan on treating him like any other paying customer. If any of you out there have any idea of how we might be able to further help him, by all means, let me know!