I report grave news to you this day. I’ve lost track of my sneezes for the year.

The other time I attempted to count them was in 1997 and I lost track in mid-March. In other words, progress has been made.

If the emerging pattern continues I will know how many times I sneeze in one year when I turn 97 years old. So, for those of you interested, drop me a line on January 1, 2079. For now I’ll have to settle for a rough estimate and a consolation frankfurter.