I’m in the midst of a dispute involving the gas company, and an old landlord. I won’t bore you with details, so for now I’ll simply tell you that the whole thing brings a new meaning to the concept of “passing gas.” My former landlord is one Mr. Ray Fair, and the gas company goes by the name Equitable. Does anyone else sense a pervasive irony wafting through the heat ducts?

I call myself Tim. No irony there, but I did wear spandex yesterday. I haven’t worn spandex today, but I did just enjoy a chicken wrap with salsa and cheese. Amazing how life progresses, yes? A week ago I had no idea I’d do either of those things. 11.