I just ate some gummy bears, and let me tell you, they were separatist gummy bears. I took them out of the package and immediately they formed individual piles or red, yellow, orange, green and white. Except five gummies, one of each color, bravely stood next to one another refusing to allow the separatist gummies to spoil their dream of interracial harmony.

Alright, you got me. The truth is that I separated the gummies into those piles. Then I ate most of them and now my stomach hurts.

But, before you declare me crazy, let me explain what prompted this story. Last night I saw the movie “Amazing Grace.” It’s about William Wilberforce and his effort to abolish slavery in 18th century Great Britain. It’s an excellent film, especially if you’re a fan of Albus Dumbledore. Seriously, I had never heard of the movie, but everyone in my immediate family recommended it to me and in hindsight I understand their enthusiasm.

Okay, now you can declare me crazy. That’s because if you squish a Haribo gummy bear the long way he appears first as a totem pole, then as a mere cat, and finally as Lord Voldemort. If you squish him the short way he morphs from Yoda, to E.T., to Pooh Bear. No joke.