In keeping with the recent bawdy nature of this publicaton, I’m going to tell you about a book I just read. It wasn’t dirty by any means and is entitled “The Average American.” A guy by the name of Kevin O’Keefe penned it, after searching for the individual who best represents the average American citizen. The book itself is well-written, O’Keefe’s methods are well-planned, and his end result is nothing short of astonishing.

I’m not going to tell you anymore about the book other than to take two statistics from it and quote them out of context.

1) In his lifetime the average American has 14.3 sexual partners.
2) Americans, on average, have nine friends.

This means that the average American has sex with more people than he has friends. In fact, the ratio, we’ll call it a “FREX Score,” of friends to sexual partners for the “average American” is .629.

I’ve never had a ton of close friends, but I’m fairly confident I have more than nine people with whom I’m chummy. I’m not sure what constitutes a “friend” in the specific survey referenced. I do know that my FREX Score is throwing the national average way out of whack.