TV-shutterstock_23301313Over here at Camp Franktuary the television debate has been as dramatic as, well, a good sporting match.

One owner is a die hard NO TV fan, emphasizing ambiance, music and conversation during mealtimes, and personally quite distracted by flashing lights and colors.  Artsy Owner’s mother stored the household’s single 12″ television in a shuttered cabinet declaiming, “It’s like a giant eye, staring at me.”

The other owner enjoys certain sports with finely tuned passion – mostly the kinds played on ice in the New York region – and crunched numbers obsessively during Penguins and Pirates playoff games when restaurant clientele dwindled to one or two tables for hours on end.  Tumbleweeds rolled through the dining room.  Waitresses perished.  A coyote howled as sales graphs sloped downward at an angle akin to Thomas Jefferson’s Mt Rushmore nose.

You get the picture.

Essentially, we decided something had to be done, because the neighborhood just isn’t going to give up their SPORTS!! and quality hot dogs and local booze are a great accompaniment for images of strong sweaty men crashing into one another.  Add in platters of Canadian style poutine (you have tried our poutine, oui??) for the hockey fan in all of us – aforementioned Sporty Owner believes a hockey fan lies deep inside all of us – and you’ve got a pretty great meal for some down home sports watchin’.  Even Artsy Owner enjoys a nail-biting playoff game every once in a while, though never in the setting of a “SPORTS!! Bar.”  Could Franktuary be a classy place to watch certain pre-selected athletic events, while keeping food, drink and friends in the spotlight?

A compromise was negotiated: some owner-controlled hockey television at pre-approved times.  Occasional food and farming documentary screenings.  Black-and-white vintage shows for Thursday’s TV Dinner themed special.  Artsy Owner grumbled, and then shook hands, won over mostly by the thrilling thought of opening the restaurant at 3 am in February to watch the Olympic games broadcast from Russia.  Borscht for breakfast!  Kvass for toasting!  Sausage specials based on Olympic teams’ countries!

Sporty Owner found online a projecting unit “the size of a sandwich.”  Reviews were good, but we were skeptical when a parcel the size of a bread box arrived.  Once detombed from its wrappings, a tiny white projector emerged, if not of sandwich dimensions then at least the size of a First Communion Bible.  Making up for the projector’s diminutive stature was the gigantic screen, which arrived late and thoroughly dented by the postal service – “Dang blang it!!” as Artsy Owner’s father would say.  An incorrect mounting screw was immediately and permanently lodged in the projector’s casement and it required two visits from the electrician, multiple consultations with the cable company, and four lengthy attempts by a handful of capable males to mount.  The screen took seven attempts with and without several contracting professionals.  Artsy Owner wondered, with a small amount of secret delight, if the project was doomed.  Were Franktuary’s unsullied walls and ceilings rejecting the unholy vestiges of television accoutrements?!  Stay tuned for news at 11.

The various technological widgets were finally installed just in time for a delightful evening of Simpson’s trivia.  The projector is barely visible on the bar ceiling, and the screen will disappear entirely on TV Free Nights leaving nothing but two gold hooks behind.  We hope this is an acceptable situation for any guests who find themselves in the NO TV camp of Artsy Owner and mothers everywhere.  And we hope those of you of the SPORTS!! persuasion will come out to revel in our in-house maven’s knowledge of and passion for hockey.

Perhaps Artsy Owner will even watch enough hockey games to break her habit of referring to the beginning of each “quarter” as ” the puck off.”  SPORTS!!

——-

SPORTS!! Airing at Franktuary:

Wednesday, Nov 27th, 7:30 pm

Saturday, Dec 7, 7 pm

Sunday, Dec 8, 1 pm

Saturday, Dec 14, 7 pm

Wednesday, Dec 18, 8 pm

Friday, Dec 17, 8 pm

Check Twitter for updates and details: twitter.com/franktuary